Emotion Regulation
Emotion Regulation
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage your emotions in a healthy and constructive way. We are not born with the ability to regulate our emotions, instead, it is something we need to learn and practice. Practicing emotional regulation helps us respond to life’s challenges with greater calm, control, and resilience. For most people, we begin learning regulation skills in early childhood from caregivers, teachers, and others close to us.
Effective regulation means choosing responses that align with our goals and values, It combines noticing and identifying emotions with conscious decisions on what to do with them. That can look like working through the emotions of taking a big exam, finding out your spouse has been unfaithful, watching your child graduate high school, managing a financial setback, or anything in life- big or small, positive or negative- that produces a change in physiological and psychological state, i.e. an emotion.
What is Emotion Dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation refers to the inability to regulate, or control, emotions as they arise. Sometimes, the people who are responsible for teaching us those skills early in life aren’t able to help us learn them. That leaves the nervous system unable to assess and regulate effectively and the brain without significant pathways for skillful processing of emotional experiences. Poor emotion regulation skills can affect how you feel, speak and act. Common signs and symptoms include:
Acting impulsively
Emotions that get in the way of setting or reaching goals
Feeling frustrated easily by small problems or annoyances
Having trouble calming down once upset or feeling emotionally “out of control”
Losing your temper often
Mood swings
Ongoing irritability or anger between outbursts
Saying or doing things you later regret when upset
Shutting down or going numb when overwhelmed (feeling “blank,” zoning out or withdrawing)
Sometimes, big feelings burst outward (like yelling or slamming doors). Other times, they turn inward (going quiet or checking out). Both are common ways your brain and body try to cope when emotions feel too strong.
Types of Emotion Regulation
Regulation skills can be broken down into two categories: healthy (adaptive) and unhealthy (maladaptive). Healthy ways of regulating emotions are positive and constructive in nature, and allow us to navigate situations that are stressful or challenging to an outcome that fosters resiliency and self-efficacy. Unhealthy techniques negatively impact our lives by avoiding, detaching, and projecting emotions.
Some examples of healthy regulation:
thought stopping and reframing
mindfulness
exercise
modifying breathing
Healthy ways of regulating can also include co-regulation techniques: social support, hugs, matching breathing.
Some examples of unhealthy regulation:
substance use
self-harm
avoidance
emotional detachment
aggression
overthinking/rumination
isolation
binge eating/starving
Benefits of Emotion Regulation
Learning healthy skills and techniques for emotion regulation is a non-negotiable skill. Thanks to the brain’s ability to learn new things at any age- a person can begin the practice of emotion regulation at any time in their life. Small, intentional acts of skill use will build a person’s capacity to sit with, understand, and act effectively on emotional experiences. It’s not all “be calm, and relax”. It’s “feel it and cope with it”. The difference is everything.
Benefits of emotional regulation include:
Improved social functioning
Healthy coping skills
Professional and academic success
Better decision-making skills
Decreased symptoms of depression
Decreased stress and anxiety
Decreased risk of burnout
But sometimes it’s hard to learn new things…
Yes, changing the brain’s way of doing things takes repeated and intentional effort over a long period of time. Healthy ways of coping are healthy ways of living. This is a lifestyle change and it works best with lots of patience, support, and self-compassion. There is a lot that goes into understanding human emotions and it often is helpful to work with a licensed professional therapist that can guide the process.
Teaching people how to regulate their emotions is crime prevention. It’s addiction prevention. It’s suicide prevention. It’s generational healing. It’s how we stop raising adults who explode, implode, or shut down at the first sign of discomfort. Emotion regulation is not a soft skill. It’s survival. It’s the foundation of a society where people can disagree without dehumanizing each other, where accountability isn’t seen as an attack, and where conflict doesn’t always have to mean violence. You want a better world? Start with emotion regulation.
